Please Stop Asking "What's Wrong With Me"

I have a disability. It's visible. It is very obvious that I have a physical disability as I use a powered wheelchair. And yet, people constantly ask me "What's wrong with you?" as if my existence needs to be explained or justified. This question is insensitive and ableist. I understand the curiosity, but those questions make me feel uncomfortable and defined only by my disability.

When you ask, "What's wrong with you?", you're making assumptions. You're assuming something is inherently "wrong" with me because I diverge from what you consider "normal." No one is “normal.” Disabilities are not wrong - they are just different. My disability is a part of who I am, not something that is “wrong” with me. While my disability comes with challenges, it has also given me unique perspectives and strengths. I hope that by getting to know me, you'll see me for more than just my disability.

Asking about my disability so bluntly also suggests that you feel entitled to know deeply personal details about my life just because they are visible to you. There are many parts of abled-bodied people that are very visible to me as a wheelchair user, but somehow, I always manage to refrain from commenting or asking questions. Also, my medical history and personal experiences are mine to share on my own terms when I feel comfortable. They are not public information for entitled strangers.

So, what should you say instead? If you must know details about my disability for a valid reason, ask if I feel comfortable discussing it first. Use people-first language, such as "Do you have a disability?" Avoid loaded words like "wrong."

Most importantly, get to know me as a human being. Ask about my interests, my work, my education, my dreams, my favourite joke - not just my disability. I am so much more than the physical challenges I face. See me for who I am as a person, not just my disability. 

I'm happy to educate those who want to be allies to the disability community. But please don't reduce me to just my disability. Ask to understand, not to label what you think is "wrong." Show interest in who I am as a person. That's the best way to get to know someone: with or without a disability.

The next time you're curious about a visible disability, pause and reflect on why you feel entitled to that information. Think about how to phrase it in a way that respects boundaries and humanity. And try to realise that a disability diagnosis does not define anyone's worth or value. Also, there’s nothing wrong with me!